please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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