Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
