I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
