I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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