So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
