Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
