just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
