So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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