...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
