i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
please don't ironically join a cult
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