Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
