You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize