In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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