so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Blood and glitter go together right?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
