party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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