I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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