i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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