if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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