He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Enjoy the penises
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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