just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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