We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
