my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
