have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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