So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
