people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
