Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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