Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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