she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
