I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
