i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
