That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
