He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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