I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
