My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
