You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
