For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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