I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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