i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I love having hate sex.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
