Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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