I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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