i just wanna soil my oats bro
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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