Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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