I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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