Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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