you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
