i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
