That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
