1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
