Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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