I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize