I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
