had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Randomize
