The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
