I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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