I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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