I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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