11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
