It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
