I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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