I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
