I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
