You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
