i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
