i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
