Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
