make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You pole danced in your parka.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
