i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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