So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize