i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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