Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
