You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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