idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
