were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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