Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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