It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
