I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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