nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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