One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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