as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
