watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
