So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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