i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
