paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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